If you ever had any doubt that we are nothing but a mute herd of sheep riding on the crazy carousel of fashion, I have news for you: the Brazilian wax, which has been EVERYWHERE over the past decade, is now so passé that the It-people won’t even acknowledge it any longer. So, all that ghastly hot wax sticking where-nothing-should-ever-stick and tears-inducing pain was for nothing? And what about those zillions of claims that taking it all off is the only way to remain clean, fresh and infection-free down there?
And, of course, the trillion dollar question: what’s a lady to do if she’s had it taken it all off and now needs to feel “on-trend” again? Are you forever banished to a hair-free life? Absolutely not. Just get a hair transplant. Simple!
Yup. You read that right. Women are flocking to hair restoration specialists who are now offering hair transplants for our nether reasons. I am not kidding. Wish I was but am not… it’s true. First, we were to get everything yanked off with blisteringly hot wax. Now, we have to put it back with tiny needles that hurt even more, if possible.
And if that creeps you out, consider the alternative: wigs for your lady parts. Yup. Now you can get faux fur toupees for your vagina. These temporary wigs (known as ‘merkins’) are “organic” and last for 3-5 days. Prices, if you are interested, start at $200.
Can. Not. Comprehend.
Oh! But it doesn’t end there either. Since ladyscaping is obviously where we are all spending our time and money nowadays, you could explore options like anti-aging steam baths or microdermabrasion facials (vagacials?) for your pubic area. Or you could get your pubes tinted darker to make the vagina look in a move that known as a “peach smoothie”. Or you may want to have diamonds and rubies implanted into your lubes to “give it more texture” (a variation: some prefer crystals for “extra energy”).
Or you can apply some makeup. Again, NOT kidding. Now there are specific makeup products for your labia. The hot favourite is My Pink Button, which makes things seem rosier and brighter with a couple of swipes – just like a blush.
Your thoughts? Cool or crazy?