When I did that last post on weird and wacky beauty products, one wouldn’t imagine it was just scratching the surface. Because, it seems, the world of beauty and fashion has a remarkably infinite capacity to both humour and horrify us – often both at once!
Kitchen safe: The cruel-meets-genius cookie jar
Ever had all those good and healthy intentions derailed by some tantalising Oreos? Bring home David Krippendorf’s Kitchen Safe, a cookie jar that comes with a foolproof (rather, glutton-proof) timer. Put in the cookies, set the timer for say 2 hours and the lid seals shut till those 120 gruelling minutes have run out. Bye, bye binges?
A brilliant group of innovators (complete with a NASA scientist) may have found the cure for hair loss: the first (actually, the only!) FDA approved clinical-strength laser hair therapy situation that works right in your own home! Use the Theradome Laser Helmet ($375) for 20 minutes twice a week and it will double the follicle size of existing hair, slow down hair loss and start growing new hair. Only catch: it would take around 50 treatments to see a visible difference but I could live with that for a headful of luscious locks.
I am just going to put the manufacturer copy here: “Perfect for wearing in the bath or shower, this Age-ru Face Maker will pull on your skin and muscles, tightening up your face and making you look younger. Just 10 minutes a day of this exercise and you will notice the difference. It stretches the skin, making you sweat through its “face sauna” design. This thus lifts (“ageru”) your skin and combats the signs of aging.” Seriously?
Love those overnight coconut oil hair treatments but dread what they do to your pillowcases? Pillow Jammie founder Aneela Rajusth totally empathises, which is why she has created these pillowcases from ultra-absorbent microfiber towel fabrics. Added bonus: waterproof and stain-resistant liners. The reverse side is made of 100 percent cotton so it can be flipped over for regular use on the non-hair-treatment nights. Cool? Or crazy? I can’t make up my mind.
While this is ostensibly for men, I don’t see why we ladies can’t go around sprinkled with tequila. And apparently it’s not just about the oomph factor – agave, as in the plant that produces agave tequila, prevents moisture loss and helps soothe the skin. Whatever! I just like how the Mitch by Paul Mitchell Patrón Agave Bar ($9.49) brings back happy vacation memories.
On the other hand, we will happily leave this for the men only. Personally, I would prefer a shower but as the company points out in the tagline – “Because You Never Know!” – this handy-dandy Dong Deodorant ($14.99) is perfect for action that pops up when he least expects it (maybe because he is wearing tequila-spiked soap?). Anyway, this spray is formulated with vitamins and aloe to “enrich the skin of the penis, at times when it needs extra care and refreshment.” Enough. Said.
Yes, this is exactly what it sound like: a shaver for your man’s you-know-what. No. Words.
An average Spalding basketball used by NBA players costs $169.95. Hermès’ new basketball costs $12,900. What do you get for the upgrade? Blue calf leather (to symbolise the sky, ocean and pools in LA), hand stitching and an embossed “H” – the designer brand’s trademark – along with the inscription “Beverly Hills”. It was originally created for a newly renovated Hermès store on Rodeo Drive but “someone asked me to keep it aside for him”, says brand boss Axel Dumas (to AFP), adding that they would make 2-3 more. And why not, asks Hermès US CEO Robert Chavez: “It can certainly be used for play – the leather is sturdy, and why not make such a unique item come to life on the court?” Well! Unless it comes with both Ryan Gosling and Patrick Dempsey, I would stick with my battered old Spalding, thank you very much.
When I first saw these “designer drugs” on Pinterest, my first reaction was to freak out about how bizarre the fashion world was getting. The second reaction, exactly 30 seconds later, was to scour the virtual racks at Amazon, hoping I could turn up some ibuprofen or vitamins like these, which would then be shipped in by the caseload. Fortunately or unfortunately – depending on your personal point of view – these aren’t for real. They are “artworks” of Desire Obtain Cherish’s Jonathan Paul that “reflect a darker, albeit more humorous slant on middle-class American values versus a spiritual or expressive essence of a highly individual artist.” Nope, I didn’t understand all the goobleydock either.
One that may actually be useful: the Raise Armpit Stain Remover ($12.50) purports to remove those stubborn sweat stains that most often afflict t-shirts and camisole tops. Soak dingy clothes for 20 minutes and then wash for the vanishing stain phenomenon. I know of some delegated to “home only” wear tops that could use this one.